How many more days can we take in the hope of seeing you
Oh Rustin Man
I can't deny this is you again
Little little little I know
But how the hold is holding you
Lets all get out of frame
Oh Rustin Man
I can't deny this is you again, gema, gema, gema...
Beth Gibbons, Out of SeasonLast night I had a very intense astral experience that I would like to share although the disclaimer is that in these kind of posts the description is going to come across as a little scrambled. Where I am not sure exactly sure what it was I've just given a little ? to indicate that confusion.
I was reading the book ''I am a Strange Loop'' by Douglas Hofstadter of which I can manage about ten to twelve pages at a time because I feel like the man is hitting me in the face with a thought hammer (in a good way). He has been discussing the idea of self consciousness as a kind of video feedback loop or the infinite regress of the self when juxtaposed between two mirrors. I had just finished an exploration of the list of concepts a dog might have and whether ''my paw'' is one of them and had been reading the section on the ''nested'' concepts that can emerge from the original concept of offspring (mother, mother of mother, child of child, etc) and how at the source of this tangled nesting of concepts rests I-ness. I started applying that to the material of the Metabolism of Time and how when I observe a ''grocery store stand'' I am actually observing this set of nested concepts - line, queue, money, change, grocery store stand candy, customer, till operator, etc etc - in the actual image displayed as it is in my mind.
Thus triggered, when I closed my eyes the field was rippling and bristling with colour/purpose and I was slipping into a dream like trance before sleep but I became aware of activity in my subconscious like something or someone (it felt human) was searching through the archives in my mind - using me like a library but for something mundane like referencing rather than some kind of Inception type thing. This did not feel hostile, in fact I got the sense that this is actually regularly going on between human beings and is simply part of a psychological ecosystem of which we remain blissfully unaware. Although I didn't feel threatened the sensation of being rifled through shook me out of my reverie but the field remained, inviting me up.
As I approached the field, the standard ''astral larvae'' - demons of earthly doubt, insecurity, distraction - gathered around me and I immediatly, instinctively constructed the merkavah. This took the form of an impenetrable hypersphere replete with runes of protection though the speed at which the merkavah appeared as I conjured it shocked me as did the language which the runes were written in - it could easily have been Encohian (?) feeling alien and earthly at the same time*. This was not my car. When I spoke to my sister about this she suggested that the ''person'' that had been rifling through my mind hadn't been trying to take information away but was actually putting information in. I astrally project in a hypersphere fairly regularly (using Hebrew) but this experience was like going to the garage to get in your trusty Volvo and finding it had been swapped for an M1 - Abrams Battletank.
Then the hypersphere moved at incredible speeds (into what? where?) so much so that the air (?) felt solid, that I was smashing through it, like ranks of brick walls and then I realised it wasn't space, but time that I was travelling (tunnelling?) through. I felt the shock waves behind me crystallising into what I can only describe as ''time husks'' - echoes of my passage - like the smash-outs that cartoon characters leave when they run through walls. Out of the astral fog (?) in front of me emerged/crystallized some kind of ball, like a multi-leveled interlocking series of transparent blue-grey fragments of spheres that together made up some kind of sphere thing (?) that seemed intelligent and alive - rotating, pulsating, coruscating. It began to communicate with me but I cannot for the life of me recall what it told me or how it spoke.
Then I was transported and landed (?) on board some kind of ship/ferry (?) in a lounge (?) - it felt like this - and confronted two beings, wearing suits (?) with an insectoid (stick insect, mantis?) appearance (the helmets had some kind of trunk, proboscis (?)). Outside the sky (?) was thick black with purple mists and they had with them a translucent rectangluar suitcase which contained a thin (?) black, purple tinted fluid (some kind of oil? - was the space then this fluid to, were we in some kind of ''submarine''?). I had two moments with them, in the first one they were startled (?) that I was there, then I felt that they gave me a moment (to give them a pass maybe, but this was not asked for, or just to let me look) before booting me off. In the first moment I was as equally startled as them and just got a good look at them, in the second moment I was focused on the suitcase (?) and extremely curious about what the substance was (it felt like some kind of fuel). I felt those moments were being slowed down by the beings, like when a fly sees in slow motion to avoid a swatting newspaper.
This was a very powerful and invigorating experience, probably one of the most intense I have ever had - in the top three certainly. The notion of an infinity tunnel of consciousness from I am a Strange Loop was extremely useful and the upgrade in my vehicle, if that is what happened, will probably be lasting, I feel that I know I can build/use that again, even if I am not sure exactly how it works. The three experiences - insanely intense speed, the meeting with the sphere thing (Sefirah?), and the encounter with the insects/beings in insect suits - were all profound and this all happened within the space of 3-5mins. The sense I have is of projecting into the deep deep future (I felt incredibly far away in time) and how alien that future seemed, how far beyond our ability to grasp it really is. I still feel both humbled in soul but I am inflated with curiosity, wonder and amazement. I feel impossibly grateful for this relationship with Raziel for guiding me to the Sefer Yetzirah, for the journey to the tower, for teaching me about astral projection and time travel. I genuinely feel like this guy has my back, whoever or whatever he really is. Although these ''angelic alien insects'' keep kicking me out of the astral plane and there could be a paranoid interpretation of these astral events, I get the sense that they are incredibly benign beings.
God knows how I adore life,
When the wind turns on the shore lies another day
I cannot ask for more
When the time bell blows my heart
And I have scored a better day
Well nobody made this war of mine
And the moments that I enjoy
A place of love and mystery
I'll be there anytime
Mysteries of love
Where war is no more
I'll be there anytime
Beth Gibbons, Out of Season
*The time dependent model would be a good explanation of how Enochian can seem earthly and alien.